Duality: the Dark & Light Within
I've come to embrace my duality. Without the darkness of life's experience, the light is rarely felt so intensely. I've understood this from a tender age. It is why I write. I guess you could say that I write in an attempt to reach for the light of understanding. It started in college when, as a shy girl, I found the courage to write about crime and law for the newspaper and to interview judges and attorneys for a radio show. I needed to know how some horrific things happened to those I loved. Why did some criminals get off? Why were disturbed boys and men able to easily get guns and shoot girls they stalked? Why did a rapist attack more than 40 women, as he impersonated a cop, and not be put away for life? Why weren't more women protected on campuses, in bars, in back rooms of Frat parties, in parking lots without lights, cameras, or campus police? This led me to ask bigger questions and to cover crime for more newspapers when I graduated. But it only plunged me into a sticky, fog of darkness. Reporting on crime is being a witness to what most don't want to see. You witness the oddly normal face of evil, greed among those who you'd least expect, and indifference, so much indifference...Why am I telling you this? Well , my stints as a reporter in the North Carolina mountains, and in Maine, and in Maryland, led to story ideas. These ideas led to books. Again, I try to understand through stories. Why someone became violent is compelling to me. Why someone became suicidal matters. What's her story? How did that happen? And then, of course, who was affected? I've been asked to be on podcasts to chat about my meditation book and my novels coming out. Interestingly, because I'm a yogi and my personal journey has had many twists and turns, I've been asked about all of them. I don't like to talk about them much anymore. I'm just not that interested — thank God. I've sort of dropped the story. And that's wonderful. I feel lighter in that regard. I laugh more. And, I'm busy. I'm freelance writing for many clients and, of course, there's my next novel I'm sporadically writing, even as my agent has sent a previous novel to be considered by editors. I have to keep going, or I'll collapse into fear. I just don't have time, or want to make time, to lament about being a single mom for the past 12 years, or to a lot of the violence I've experienced or witnessed early on in life. Maybe that's why I haven't promoted these podcasts. But these podcasts are helping many who are in the thick of it. When we're in the midst of abuse, or trauma, there's no way out but through. So, for those who are in the midst, I'd like to introduce these podcasts by wonderful souls who keep interviewing experts and fellow getting-throughers like me, who can share what has worked for us. I am now grateful for the twists and turns (in a way) as they led me to teach yoga, to try meditation, and back to writing my novels. If you go to my press page, you'll find the many recent podcasts where I talk about how I overcame severe stress and anxiety and PTSD, and of course my books. And since I knew I'd be asked about shootings and strategies to overcome struggle and adversity, I insisted that I be allowed to guide a short, breathing meditation in every podcast. This is what keeps me centered when the dark creeps in like an anxious, old friend I feel guilty for ignoring. The ability to breathe deeply in stillness, focus on my heart, and ask myself how I'm feeling and how I'd like to feel, has saved me. It's let me better manage fear, perfectionism, and to forgive myself and others. Quite frankly, it is more important than all the conversation about what it is that I've overcome.
So, have a listen to some of my journey if it interests you. But definitely try out the breathing meditations. They are short and powerful-at least for me. And then hear a bit about my favorite characters, like Lulu, and Uriel, and Lucy...all strong, artistic, intuitive, sensual, beautiful women from my novels Between Thoughts of You, Uriel's Mask, and Jupiter's Weight.
Have a beautiful day,